Unveiling Essential Life Wisdom
In this blog, we will embark on a journey to explore essential life lessons that contribute to personal development and growth. These invaluable insights are imparted by Hailey Patry, a renowned mentor and educator. Through her teachings, Hailey Patry shares essential life skills that are crucial for navigating the complexities of life with resilience and wisdom. Join us as we uncover the profound impact of these life lessons on fostering emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and overall well-being.
The Importance of Essential Life Skills
From a happily married mom of three neuro-diverse boys, international speaker to over 1.5 million audience members, best-selling and award-winning author... who once was a girl who battled 8 years of depression and anorexia, overcame two suicide attempts as a teen, survived a violent rape, escaped domestic violence, and finally found happiness in her 30’s, including a second marriage to her soul mate.
If my life could work out this well, after everything I have gone through, yours can too.
Instead of writing you a regular book chapter, I asked myself: “What is the most meaningful thing I could share with you, the reader, such that your life would go up from here?” I decided the most valuable thing I could share with you, is a bountiful, juicy list of my best tips, my personal practices and what I’ve learned from the trenches of life, love and business. Instead of a cohesive story, you’re about to dive into a list of life lessons that I hope you will use to avoid making the costly mistakes I made, to help you travel more safely on your journey to happiness, and to go out and make this year one of your best years yet.
I believe in you!
Use these nuggets, some old and some new, to guide you. And remember, if you are ever lost, stuck or afraid of what comes next, you are not alone.
I have divided the life lessons into three categories, which include YOUR HAPPINESS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP and YOUR SUCCESS. You will notice that there are far more lessons about your personal happiness than the other two areas, and that was intentional. You see, YOU are the common theme in your life. A mentor once said to me: “wherever YOU go, there YOU will be.” You bring your personal issues into your work and into your relationships. So, if you are the key domino, which influences every other area of your life... well then, let’s support you first.
All right, deep breath. Here goes a lifetime of learning, condensed to my favorites at this time.
Life Lessons for your Happiness
- How we allocate our precious 5 resources determines the quality of our lives. Those resources include Time, Energy, Money, Attention, and Intention. Attention is where your eyes, ears, and mind wander. Intention is what you set your mind to. Intention is an immensely powerful thing. Use it wisely. I set intentions for my mood, behavior, and outcomes. Be intentional, set great intentions, and wonderful results and experiences will be more likely to follow.
- More important to note than the fact that days have 24 hours is that a week has 168 hours. Using your 168 hours intentionally, by design, and very carefully is the reality you live every week. How you spend your time in life makes up your life.
- Scheduling your life makes a massive difference in how much you like it. It also equips you with the ability to clearly know when to say yes and when to say no when other people are requesting your time or making invitations. Here is the order in which I schedule my life, now that my life is fabulous: time for self, time for connection, time for joy, time for work, white space on my calendar, and lastly, chores and responsibilities that I may need to hire out for or delegate to someone else.
- Your self-worth mirrors your standards, for everything in your life. Friends, earnings, environment and surroundings, relationships, how you allow yourself to be treated, whether you stand for anything and what you stand for, your assertion or passiveness, your confidence, your thoughts, beliefs, intentions, actions, results, and outcomes.
- Raising your self-worth so you know you are 10 out of 10 and 100% worthy of love, affection, abundance, happiness, and greatness is one of the most important projects to commit to in your lifetime. It is never too late to raise your self-worth and heal from your past, and it is never too soon to start the journey to worthiness.
- Trauma leads to gifts and blessings after you heal. The key is to find your blessings in the messes that have come into your life, and then choose how you will bounce. Don’t bounce back. Bounce better! For example, overcoming my rape and depression are keys to me being able to help my clients as quickly as I do. The gifts from what I went through include empathy, compassion, understanding, and helping my clients feel safe to share their darkest experiences with me, so then, together, I can help them heal. Living through 30 years of trauma and not receiving the right help became a blessing in my life because I developed the tools that I needed to heal and thrive, and now I can share those tools with others who need them. So, what are the blessings from the mess of your life? How can you turn your most challenging experiences into growth and positive outcomes?
- Forgiveness is possible for all things, and it’s an act of kindness for you, not for the person or event you are forgiving. In the grand scheme of things, everything becomes perfect when you realize your life is happening for you and not to you. And every challenge you have ever faced came into your life to make you and not to break you. As a Master Coach in Radical Living and Radical Forgiveness, this is something I deal with a lot. I get it. Forgiveness can feel so hard; it can even feel impossible, especially when you know that what happened was not okay, perhaps not even legal. The truth is, when you create your life, from this present moment and forward, to be a life that you love so much, you will see in hindsight that every moment leading you to this one had to happen as it did for you to arrive here. And if you have come to a place in your life where you deeply love yourself, your reality, your gifts... well, then it would seem true that everything that led you here was necessary. You would no longer have parts of your life you’d wish to erase, and that is the magic of forgiveness. In the end, when you do the work (and I can certainly help you with this), there is nothing wrong anymore, and nothing left to forgive. I would not take back my rape, for I am grateful that I had to go through whatever I had to go through, to become who I am now, to do what I do now, and to contribute to this world the way I do. Everything I do and everyone I help… would not be possible without my past experiences.
- Scars are beautiful. Victimhood is not. You can be victorious, a champion of your life, and proud of your battles, your scars, your learnings, your growth, and your whole story. Own your story, tell it proudly, make something beautiful out of your life, and inspire others to share their story too.
- Nature is so crucial. The amount of time you spend outside (that is, if you enjoy being outside) dramatically impacts your mental health and wellbeing. I choose to be outside a minimum of three hours a day, even when it is freezing in our Canadian winters. Dress for the elements of your climate and go soak up the bounty of your trails, parks, beaches, forests, whatever calls you.
- Goals are weak. Promises are much stronger. To design and then achieve your best year ever, you’ll want to set goals to honor a balanced life. In my signature workshop and annual planning class, called “Designing Your Best Year Ever,” we start by replacing the word goal with promise and shift your relationship to the things you say you want to do, become, experience, or achieve in a year. Next, we set intentions for your self-care and celebration, connection, and relationships, uncluttering your life, and dealing with mess. Then we focus on upleveling with learning and personal growth, breakthrough goals that support you in claiming new ways of being for the coming year (which, by the way, can start anytime and does not need to begin on January 1st), and of course, we set an abundance goal around your finances, your career, business, investments, etc.
- If you are serious about what you want to do, become, experience, or achieve in a year, then you’ll need to make a proper action plan, which is something I love helping my clients with. Start with the end in mind and work it backwards. Figure out where you need to be, progress-wise, at each quarter point in the year. For the first quarter, figure out where you need to be each month. For the first month, decide where you need to be each week. And for the very first week, plan out exactly what you need to do daily and get those items scheduled properly into your chosen calendar system.
- Let’s talk about habits. Your collection of habits, for better or for worse, dramatically impacts the quality of your life in all areas. It’s not just about choosing which habits you want to make, break, or tweak; it’s about what kind of person you want to become. For example, do you want to be someone whose word is golden, has incredible follow-through, has amazing sleep hygiene, pristine oral health, optimal vitality from the best food, hydration, rest, and movement? Someone who has positive self-talk and mental health, pampers themselves with care, has healthy relationships and friendships, and has a solid relationship with money? Do you want to be a morning person, hold a plank for 5 minutes, and have impeccable cardio-vascular health? Do you want to become calm, mindful, present, and conscious? You must first decide who you want to become and then figure out which habits will support you in becoming that person—that upgraded version of you!
- Habits won’t form or break by accident. It takes a lot to form a great habit or break a non-supportive habit, so once you have set yourself in motion, don’t break your stride. 3 cycles of 21 days are a great place to start when planning to create a new habit. Also, rather than breaking a bad habit, think of which new habit you will replace it with. For example, I am a chocolate person. When I am sad, mad, stressed, hurt, or insert any other challenging emotion of your choosing, I want chocolate. So, instead of saying to myself “Hailey, stop eating chocolate as an emotional eating vice,” I created a new habit: Do a 5-minute stretch, drink 8–16 ounces of water, and check in with myself if I still feel I NEED chocolate, or notice how my need for it dulled down to a want, which I can choose not to give into, or perhaps the craving went away all together.
- Treat yourself like a great coach would. When you’re injured or unwell... DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF to keep on keeping on. Hit the bench, see the trainer, get the massage, do the physio, eat the best recovery food, rest, and get better. Be in peak shape when you return to play this game of life. At the same time, do not accept laziness, excuses, and self-doubt. Lovingly push yourself (when you are well) to do and to be the best you can be. It’s like working out alone versus with a trainer. With a trainer you will always complete more repetitions than when you are alone, and your form will be better and safer. So, treat yourself like the best coach and trainer would. Value yourself like a pro athlete, honor your health and your body, rest and repair from your life as needed, and when you are well…give it your very best… like your coach’s voice is ringing in your mind letting you know how much they believe in you, know you can do it, and are right there with you cheering you on and waiting to celebrate you. It sounds confusing to know when to push yourself harder and when to rest and recover… but it’s simple actually. It’s about learning the difference for yourself of when you are well versus unwell and in need of TLC.
- Ask questions. Do not make yourself small, silent, or invisible. If you are in a class, participate. If you have a question, ask it. If you need something before you can move into massive action, get it looked after. A silent and stuck version of you, does no one any favors. Become an ASK-Hole. Just because you ask for things in life, does not guarantee that you will get everything you have asked for, but I guarantee you will get more than the person who was afraid to ask at all.
- Be assertive. It is the best way to be. Not passive, not aggressive, and not passively aggressive. Be assertive! And if you struggle with this, you deserve coaching and support to become the most confident, calm, and assertive version of yourself. And in case you were wondering, yes, even shy people can become assertive. I used to be so shy that I ate my lunch in the bathroom in high school. Now I can speak to crowds of over 25,000 people. It was a choice to become self-expressed and assertive, one I worked on, and you can learn how to make the shift too.
- Self-advocate, especially around your health. Stand for the best care possible. Do your research, be knowledgeable, ask for the tests you want, and don’t accept less than the best care for yourself. You are worth it, and quite literally, sometimes your life depends on it. I have been close to death more than once, and I learned a lot from those experiences. Be an “ask-hole” when it comes to your health too!
- As people, we are “carrot-minded.” We need things to look forward to. One of my favourite ways to keep depression at bay is to constantly play a game with my own mind, where I declare what I must look forward to. Every evening, I choose what I can look forward to in the morning. Every morning, I choose what to look forward to for the evening. Every Monday, I choose what to look forward to for the weekend, and so on. This keeps me focused on infusing moments of joy, fun, adventure, and connection into my schedule, so that I can get through the tougher parts of the day or the week, with a hopeful countdown to the next wonderful thing.
- Eliminate overwhelm and rolling to-do lists. Consider using a system to support you, such as my system called “My All,” which I am happy to share with you on your free, first coaching call. When you go to bed every evening feeling like an overwhelmed failure because there are so many items still left undone on your to-do list, you can’t help but have anxious thoughts, high stress, and lower self-worth. Stop the cycle. Take everything on your list and either put in the time to complete it as an appointment on your calendar, or put it on a list you will review monthly or a list you’ll review yearly. Every night, you deserve to hit the pillow feeling complete, proud, and accomplished. And all you need to finish are today’s tasks. The rest have a time and a place.
- Have more experiences than stuff.
- Have more joy and less obsessive perfection.
- Let the house be a mess if it needs to be, so you can focus on the needs of the hearts who live in your home, yours included.
- Take inventory of your happiness in each of the key areas I’ve noted below, and rate them once a month. Then choose which areas to focus on each month with extra TLC. For each area below, score yourself out of 10, for how happy you are with this area of your life. Then answer the following questions for any area you want to improve: How is it now? How would I rather it be? What can be done about it? What will I do about it in the next 24 hours? Do I need to enlist help? If so, who? And when will I contact them?
- Nourish yourself properly. The quality and quantity of what you put past your lips affect every single cell in your body, as well as your energy, mood, brain clarity, mobility, vitality, inflammation/pain levels, libido, appearance, digestion, confidence, life expectancy, and so much more.
- Hydrate properly. The formula I use for how much water to consume is my weight in pounds, divided in 2, and that is the number of ounces I need, not including extra water for exercise. (For example: 140 pounds divided by 2 = 70 ounces.)
- Rest up. Sleep and feeling rested affects every area of your life including how well you can earn money, relate to others, manage your mood, your physical health and so much more. It is crucial to having a great life. Plan restoration breaks into your day for optimal performance AND wellbeing. Plan your sleep and wake cycle and remember that good sleep hygiene matters too.
- Movement matters and is such a key part of a healthy and happy life. More on this in the challenge. There are many forms of movement that can be beneficial depending on the state of your health and your goals. Work with a professional to help you decide what movement mix is best for you each week… but at the very least, if you can walk and stretch… put these two activities into your daily schedule. Your body and mind will thank you for it.
- Your mindset, mood and outlook are pliable. You can choose to improve them and there are specific tools, skills, habits, rituals, and routines that support better emotional health and wellbeing. Really, it all starts with you acknowledging how ideal your current mindset, mood and outlook are, deciding if you would like to improve any of them, and believing that you are worthy and capable. You may need professional help to achieve the MMO (mindset, mood, and outlook) you desire. I can help.
- Visualization, stillness, silence, meditation, prayer… whatever works for you to set your best mindset in motion – start your days with this before you turn on your phone and start checking notifications. And end your days with your chosen modality for a peaceful close to the day.
- The reader/author in you has a craving to be acknowledged. A good life has pages in it. Pages you read, pages you write, pages you reflect on, plan on, schedule on. A great life is lived on purpose and reading/writing are part of taking in supportive content that aligns with your life goals and promises, as well as putting out supportive content whether it is private, for your eyes only, or public to inspire others. What beneficial content will you read today? What will you write today? A journal entry, gratitude, your daily plan, poetry, a promise, a letter to a loved one, an apology, an item on your bucket list?
- Be a productivity goddess – get the things done that you have been putting off but know you will be so happy once they’re complete. Can you spend even 10 minutes a day, knocking something off your list, or tackling just 10 minutes of a bigger project, so you feel that whoosh of pride and accomplishment?
- Take stock of your life in all areas: your happiness, your relationships, your career - and after knowing what your starting place is, then picking your ideal destination/outcome, you can begin to make your plans. Just like Google Maps, you will need to know your starting point, destination, and things that can get in your way, life traffic, construction, and accidents. It’s similar for your life. You can collaborate with a coach of your choice, someone like me, to help you spot what could be holding you back and getting in your way. There are things in your blind spot, and you can’t solve what you can’t see.
Life Lessons for your Relationship
- We choose our significant others to be a match for our self-worth at the time.
- True love exists. You must first know you are worthy and deserving, and then design the love you want to call into your life. But… love and relationships are hard when you don’t have the skills to be a happy couple. Learning my 5 Step I.D.E.A.L. Love Method, and my 6 Skills of Happy Couples, will help you succeed at loving happily ever after. Here are the skills you’ll want to master:
- Take inventory of your happiness in each of the key areas I’ve noted below, and rate them once a month. Then choose which areas to focus on each month with extra TLC. For each area below, score yourself out of ten, for how happy you are with this area of your relationship. Then answer the following questions for any area you want to improve: How is it now? How Would I rather it be? ; What can be done about it? ; What will we do about it in the next 24 hours?; Do we need to enlist help? If so, who? And when will we contact them?
- Have you ever sat across from your partner, and wondered, during the awkward silence, what you could say to make things better? Many couples feel like they have lost their words, their conversation skills and even the confidence to communicate at all… because they feel stuck.
- There are many relationships that can heal after infidelity. But long before I will help a couple heal, I have six conditions that must be met, to take them on. If these conditions are not met, I don’t feel confident that their relationship will recover, or that it should be recovered.
- If you want to receive meaningful apologies, it’s time to learn how to give a meaningful apology. This simple formula was taught to me by one of my mentors, and it is life changing! It allows you to clean up relationship messes quickly and stop fighting about the same things repeatedly…If of course you take it seriously and keep your commitments.
- Weekly dates are like oxygen for your relationship. Studies show that couples who date each other at least once a week, are 3.5 times happier. Spend quality time together and make it special.
- It takes one before it takes two. Be your best self and your truest most authentic self. Work on being whole and complete within yourself and don’t expect your partner to fill up your emptiness. Your happiness is your job.
- And a few final tips…have tons of fun as a couple, make lots of memories together, and touch as often as you can. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have someone in their life to hold. If you love someone, let them know and show them with your words and actions.
Life Lessons for your Success
- Increase your “Earnability” – which is the amount of money you can generate in an hour, so you can spend less time working and more time living your life. Plus, always remember that happiness pays and unhappiness costs. Clients love to collaborate with happy professionals.
- Workshops are an amazing way for the public to experience you in a safe format and want more of what you teach. I love helping my clients create workshops that convert attendees to raving fans.
- Your sample experience must be stellar! When potential clients first get a taste of what you do, make sure you wow them with an impeccable and memorable experience that leaves them ready to purchase your offer. Be professional, prepared, caring and most importantly… deliver real value.
- Networking is a learnable skill and something I love to teach. If your networking skills don’t land you multiple appointments from every event you attend, let’s fix that for you.
- Sharing your story is brave, generous, and smart. It lets your audience connect with you, feel safe with you, and be inspired by you. It builds connection, trust, and relatability.
- Public speaking is such a beautiful way to help the world and grow your business at the same time. If you are shy, nervous, or think you’re a terrible speaker, let’s change that and empower you to be amazing on stage.
- Always be growing. Get Coached. Have a board of directors/mastermind group.
- Make meetings with you interesting, enjoyable, and valuable. Have a wow factor. Know your closing ratio and get coached on how to improve it.
- Do your annual planning (take my class called “Designing Your Best Year Ever”) and be intentional with how you run your business.
- Give more than you take. Care about people and let it show how much you care about them. Go beyond and check in with each client to see how much of their intended outcomes were achieved with you. Sell from a place of true love and caring for your clients.
- Self worth comes before net worth, and you need to know your worth to love sales. Plus, this mantra has helped me remember why it’s wrong for me to give my services away for free: “When I SPARE YOU the COST of my services, I COST YOU your transformation”. People pay more attention when they have purchased the advice.
