Introducing kink into the bedroom can bring up worries about how it might affect your relationship dynamics. This is why it’s important to establish the scene. Imagine the scene like a place that you can step into and out of. When you enter the scene, you are playing different roles, exploring new activities, and in a state of curiosity together. When you step out of the scene, you are back to a different version of yourselves, where you can thoroughly evaluate what worked and what didn’t, share your appreciation for one another, and connect over the experience as equals (this is especially important when power “imbalances” have been explored).
There is a difference between things going wrong, a scene needing to stop, and an emergency. If a scene is stopped for whatever reason, no one should feel ashamed, guilty or worried for having “ruined” the night. Consider it an opportunity to build trust through thorough communication. Did someone have a diabetic crash? Did someone disassociate? Did a slap land a little too hard? Was there an unexpected knock on the door that jolted someone out of their fantasy? While negotiation ahead of time is important to mitigate risk and have a plan in place, such as using safe words and knowing how to address discomfort or unexpected situations, it would be difficult to anticipate every possible scenario. Engaging in BDSM requires a willingness to allow space for mishaps (ideally only minor ones, hence the difference between an adjustment that needs to be addressed when a scene is stopped versus an emergency). As Jay Wiseman says in his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, “it’s much more important that a first session not end badly than it end really, really well,” and “the first session with a new partner is the one most likely to go wrong.”
Check in with your partner frequently to ensure they're comfortable and enjoying themselves. Start slowly and gradually explore more intense activities as you build trust and confidence together.
Conclusion
Introducing kinky sex into the bedroom can be an exciting and fulfilling journey for couples, but it's essential to communicate openly throughout the process. By creating a safe and non-judgmental space, educating yourselves, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing consent and communication, you can overcome common concerns and embark on a mutually satisfying kinky experience with your partner. Remember, the key to a fulfilling kinky experience lies in the first word of this guide: trust.
Explore More
Curious to explore more articles that might help create a framework for your unique expression of kink? Check out:
- Beginner's Guide to Understanding and Exploring BDSM
Not sure how to start with kinky sex? Browse these kinky sex toys for beginners:
